Heartbreaker

i try to keep truly personal things out of this blog, but something's really been pressing down on me as of late. but since AmericasMostWanted doesn't want to deal with the situation head on and i don't think (at this point) it's worth it to seek her out to tell her, i'm gonna air it out here. usually i wouldn't do this, but it's really been bugging me and while i could talk it out over and over again with other friends, that just gets tiring for me and those friends. i also don't wanna do that and then lose all the steam in how i feel and then just let the situation go because then i'll feel like more of a jackass than Jackass for continuing the friendship. then i'd truly be a frenemy.

last week BLS threw an inter-law school mixer for valentine's day. i wasn't too stoked to go because funds have been very tight as of late. however, a bunch of ppl i knew were going and then i found out the event was held at Hudson Terrace, which i've never been to and is only used as an event space so i might not have another opportunity to go. the place has an amazing rooftop, which must be so great in the summer or early fall, but in this freezing February was not that fun. but the place has potential (although very expensive) and the night started out great. Coleslaw and i got ready together, AMW brought wine down and we pre-gamed a little before, and then Coleslaw, Cubed and i headed over on the subway together. this part of the night was fun and fine. and then things took a turn for the worse...

this part of the story is a tried and true example of why you should always go with your gut and never let anyone talk you into doing anything you don't want to do. because you'll just live to regret it. AMW was pretty wasted at this point and Coleslaw and the crew were ready to go to the Brazen for cheap drinks and i was so down for that plan. but then AMW stumbled over to me and pleaded that i go out with her in Manhattan instead of going back to brooklyn. the only reason i ended up going wasn't because of the money, but because AMW was drunk and i knew she was going out with Jackass, who she always swears up and down she is over and done with and wants nothing to do with (in a romantic capacity), so i wanted to make sure she didn't do anything stupid while she was drunk.

biggest mistake of my life. ok, that's exaggerating. but definitely up there. i spent the cab ride to Cheap Shots (yes, i ended up there, and the whole place smelled like pee, which was so fun) being "asked out" by Jackass while he and AMW held hands in the cab. when we arrived at Cheap Shots i hopped out of the cab as fast as i could, only to be accosted by Jackass who repeatedly asked me out. i went to the bathroom and came out, and the 1st words out of AMW's mouth is, "just so you know, Jackass has a small penis."

ummmmmm.............did i ask you anything? no, i don't think so. i then i endured another 15 minutes where Jackass spent his time refuting the fact while AMW spent her time reassuring me it was true. um, that's not awkward at all.

here was what i thought would be the ticker for the night. while the guys were in the bathroom, i told AMW what Jackass had been doing all night and how i'd given him a piece of my mind because it was so disrespectful to AMW and to me and to all the other ppl involved. to which she responded, "Jackass told me to ask you if you liked him."

i promptly told her that she could tell him to suck it and repeated all my harsh words. to which she responded, "well, i'm not gonna say anything because i don't want to be in the middle of this." i just lost my shit. i can't believe AMW told me she didn't want to be in the middle of it, when she's the reason i was in the middle of it at all. at that point i told her i just wanted to go home because i was fed up.

we all went back to brooklyn (but not without making another scene, very AMW-style) and met the crew at Brazen Head. i was livid at this point. i didn't talk to Jackass or AMW for the rest of the time we were at Brazen. except for 2 incidents.

1. Jackass came up to me to claim he was "kidding" about the whole date thing. honestly, i really don't care. if he was kidding, it wasn't funny because of my friendship w/AMW and other girls he's done this to. if he wasn't kidding, the same reason still applies. as i've gotten older and with everything that's happened to me, friends and family are most important to me. and it's a big thing that nobody can say shit about either while in front of me. when i say "shit", i don't mean utterances that represent venting or being temporarily annoyed at them. that you can do all you want. but when you start insulting or attacking them, it's on like donkey kong. as long as i'm there, no one's gonna do that or hurt them in anyway. which is why Jackass's actions really enraged me, because he was doing something that was disrespectful not only to me, but hurtful to AMW and others. and that's not allowed and i won't be a part of it.

2. AMW, before the night ended, pulled me into the bathroom with her to discuss the situation. she told me she was "mad" for me. she went on to explain the 2 reasons why. 1st, if he was really hitting on me, she was mad for me because of the situation it put me in or something like that. she didn't really explain this reason because even in her tone, you could tell she didn't actually believe this reason.
so let's move on to reason number 2. AMW was "mad" for me because she knows Jackass was only asking me out as a joke. why? i'm not gonna explain how i know this, or what happened, but about 3 weeks ago, Jackass revealed he's a bit of a bigot. apparently asians are all "chinks" etc. and he has no problem using this kind of language. so AMW knew for sure that Jackass was asking me out only as a joke because, and i quote, "he'd never actually date an asian girl. he said so himself." and so, that's why AMW was "mad" for me. because i am a "pretty girl" and it's just "so rude" of him to hit on me as a joke, etc. what got me tho, was she wasn't really mad at him. she spent the whole night talking to him and cuddling by themselves. to a guy who was a bigot to me. and the capper on this night? AMW and Jackass had been making out in Brazen while they'd been having this conversation. and she still went home with him that night.

and that really breaks my heart.