yes, i've said it before and i'll say it again: dates are a weird cultural phenomena. and yes, i fully admit the possibility that it's just me. maybe i am ill-equipped for dates. but even if that IS the reality, i'm still going to try to plead my case as to why it's NOT just me.
Case study #1
Setting: Afternoon, happy hour drinks.
Time: 4:30 p.m.-changed to 5:00 p.m. because i was running very late.
Location: Cantina in Park Slope. which just proves my dedication because i actually traveled past my usual brooklyn zone-of-comfort.
CS1 was kind of cute, and not an awful conversationalist (i've met worse), BUT things took a turn south when it became blatantly apparent that CS1 was only looking for 1 thing. i don't think i have to elaborate on what that 1 thing is.
i guess i should be thankful that he was upfront about it, as opposed to attempting to get it in more devious ways. and i'm sure some girls appreciate the honesty and will find his slightly-cocky-flirtatious demeanor attractive. for me personally, i'll pass. these types of guys are sometimes fun if i meet them at a club and crowded bar around midnight or later. they're fun to flirt with, they pay for drinks, and, to their credit, they try very hard to get you on board with their "agenda." but, guys like these just seem skeevy and shmarmy at 4:30 in the afternoon on an actual date.
um, yea buddy, you can stop touching me and rubbing my thigh/lower back now. thanks.
Case Study #2
Setting: Evening, pre-dinner drinks.
Time: 8:00 p.m.
Location: Angel's Share in the East Village. we completely lucked out and got a table right away. or he did, since i was running late (again). great spot in the back right next to a giant window view, comfy velvet seats, intimate dim lighting from the candle on the table and the street lamps outside. bonus points for the location. o wait, i picked it out. so, just bonus points to myself?
CS2 was also attractive, in the skinny, dorky way that i DO find adorable. -1 for being korean, but +1 for not being a rigid korean since he grew up like me in a white suburb. possible -1 for being a frat boy (depending on how much beer pong references and "dudes" are dropped in the conversation).
CS2 is a nice guy, a little quiet, which is actually pretty endearing. plus, he's cute. and that can go a long way on a first date, particularly with a chatty cathy like me.
but it's not all peaches and cream. the date was exceptionally long (6-7 hours). i let it go on because i saw some potential AND i was crashing at a friend's house that night but he wasn't home from his wedding upstate yet. i could've gone to meet up with some other friends, but every time it seemed like the date was going to end, he seemed to want to continue hanging out, so i just went with the flow. long dates are good when you're so connected to someone that 7 hours feels like 2 hours. but when i start to feel a little sleepy on our date, that's not such a great sign.
and then there's CS2's extracurricular activity. i'm not going to go into particulars, but unless CS2's got a case of cancer or glaucoma, i don't think it's a legal activity. while i'm not judgmental about these things (you know what they say about people in glass houses), it's not a subject i broach with many people. particularly on a first date.
CS2 isn't completely out of the running right now, but there are some serious red flags.