Tuesday, June 26

How to Not to Get a Second Date

i recently had a slew of dates, which would usually be something to cheer about, except work has been giving me a slight aneurysm lately with all the stress so i wasn't really in the right mindset to go on a date. being charming and witty was just too much work at this point. so moving in the direction of the title for this post, here are a few how-to pointers about what not to do on a date.

1. Do Not Make Your Date Black Out
yes, you would think this is a no-brainer. and this one wasn't entirely my fault.

i met my date at a local bar close to my apartment since he was working near the Brooklyn Museum and wouldn't be able to meet until after 9:00 p.m. this gave me ample time to get home and change (well, 30 mins anyway), which i liked. but of course, as soon as i got home i got into "home" mode where i didn't want to go out at all. you know what i'm talking about. even if the "out" i was going to was only 3 blocks away.

regardless, i pulled myself together and made it to O'Keefe's for drinks. i ordered my usual, Jameson on the rocks, and my date followed suit. we had some good conversation, seemed to get along well, and proceeded to order another round. at this point, i had decided i liked my date enough to take him to my real local, Brazen Head (plus it was closer to my apartment which meant easier walk home later). 


so off we went to the Brazen, where we proceeded to order another round of drinks, this time Four Roses on the rocks. by the last round, i was more than tipsy, having not eaten dinner after work. my date seemed fine, although getting a little handsy, but not in an impolite way, just a flirty way. we didn't even finish our last drink before i made the command decision that i had to get my drunk ass home. 


like a gentleman, my date walked me home and i sent him on his way to the subway.

CUT TO THE NEXT MORNING: i get a text message from my date who is clearly suffering a serious hangover. i think to myself, "ok, that's fine. we did have a few drinks."

and then my date informs me that he blacked out and doesn't remember anything. wha?!?!

which is pretty ironic since i had a whole conversation with my date, who's a psychiatrist, about the medical rationale behind blacking out and its effect on the brain. and it seems he blacked out immediately after that conversation.

so......no second date for me.

2. Do Not Fall Off Your Chair During Your Date
This one RARELY happens to me. i have fallen only twice (including this time) while imbibing alcohol in the since December 2011. hmm, i guess that's not that impressive. 

i had made plans to meet my date at Vintry Wine and Whiskey  on Stone Street. it was actually a very considerate plan on his part since he knew i worked in FiDi and that i enjoyed drinking scotch/whiskey. and the place isn't a bad date option, with dark mood lighting and a relaxed yet classy atmosphere. overall a great place.

except for their high stools and tables. and dark recessed lighting. 

at some point during the date, my jacket, which i had placed on the stool next to me, had fallen on the floor. in an attempt to pick it up, i leaned down and... SPLAT.  it was the kind of loss-of-balance/falling where halfway down you realized it's pointless to fight the gravity so you just lean into the fall. and that's how i ended up on the floor laying on my right side.

my date had enough tact to not mention anything when i got back up to my seat. although i did hear a distinct "oooooohhhhhhhhh" from above the table when i landed on the ground. 

so....no surprise that i didn't get a second date from this one.

3. Do Not Be a Douchebag
This is not based on my behavior (although you may argue that above conduct qualifies me on the road to douchebaggery). i recently met up with ArrangedMarriage (you remember him right? if not, please refer to any of these posts to refresh your recollection). i knew i shouldn't but did so mainly because of the family friend connection.


but ArrangedMarriage really can't help but to fuck it up for himself all the time. i mean, when you think about it, it's sort of impressive how much of a douche he can be. let's start from the very top:


due to work, i arrived 15 mins late. of course, feeling bad, i sent him a text message as soon as i got off the subway to let him know i was on my way. except when i got to the restaurant, AM was nowhere to be seen. so i sent him another text to let him know i was sitting at the bar.


AM showed up 35 mins late. with no explanation. he just walked in, no apology, no excuse, no NOTHING. and then proceeded to wander into the restaurant while i closed out my bar tab. awesome start.

conversation as always was a stall-out for the most part. AM never asks anything about me aside from the cursory, "so how's work?" whereas i learned through dinner that AM is thinking about making a career change, may have to move back to NJ to do so, and is generally fed up with his current job. you might say to yourself, "well, [you meaning me], it sounds like all you did was talk about work with him too Ms. Hypocrite." but that wouldn't be EXACTLY true...

i tried to ask AM about what else is going on with him. since he has no friends there was nothing to tell there (although we haven't hung out in almost 7 months! is that even possible?!). but the conversation took an interesting turn when we discussed dating or significant others.


AM kept not wanting to discuss it because, in his own words, "you might think lesser of me." almost impossible really, but of course i didn't say that to him-instead i blast it out here on the internet.  i just sort of rolled my eyes and left it alone.


as always, the 1 saving grace with meeting up with AM is that i always get to pick the restaurant. so i got to cross Macondo off my list. i'm actually glad i got to go this place with AM instead of my other more food-focused friends since i think they would've been as "meh" about this place as i was. 


when i first arrived, i sat at the corner of the bar adjacent to the street. Macondo also has 4 stools out on the sidewalk, i guess to give it that summer-tropic feel. which would have been fine except there was a serious ant infestation going on in the cracks of the outdoor bar table. it was seriously freaking me out sitting so close to it. and i kept feeling real/imaginary itching and crawling on my legs because of it. ::shiver::


the wine list is very moderately and affordably priced so we split a bottle of rioja ($30). since neither of us were very hungry we opted to order only 3 dishes. but honestly, i wasn't that enticed to order much of anything else for the most part. we ordered the A La Lolita (mushroom croquettes, figs, almonds, truffle trumpet aioli) ($9).  this was the best food item of the night. it's super creamy like a croquette should be and the mushrooms, figs, and almonds give it a sweet and savory flavor. plus it was perfectly crisped on the outside and warm on the inside. it came 3 to an order and i selfishly at 2 of them. 


we also ordered the Camaron (shrimp, roasted pineapple, ginger, aji amirillo, onion, cilantro) ($10). this was a ceviche dish that was good, but nothing special. the shrimp were average sized and the flavor was well balanced, but nothing that really stood out. the Bruselas (crispy brussel sprouts with chipotle aioli) ($6) were ordered mainly to add some greenery to my meal-i've been on a balanced diet kick recently. these were good and crispy, served in a hot skillet. however, they were slightly over-salted, but nothing i would die from (hopefully).


the service at Macondo was very attentive. to the point of being a little overly so. they kept coming over to refill our wine and water, to the point where our bottle of wine was done before all our food had arrived.


after Macondo, i asked what AM had planned for the rest of the night, seriously hoping and wishing he would say he had to go home. after all, it was a Monday night. except of course that didn't happen. without even asking, AM just declared "let's get another drink." since we were on the LES, i suggested Pianos, which i haven't been to in a couple of years. to my surprise (or really, should i have been surprised?), AM had never been to Pianos before, which i consider an NYC institution for young yuppies who want to drink and dance. so off we went.


and this is where i hit my final straw: so in order to make some conversation, i again brought up the topic of AM's recent romantic situation and again AM deferred, saying that i would "think less" of him. so i re-assured him that it wouldn't be the case and then shared a story of my own recent entanglement and the hijinxes i've been involved in (i did NOT share the 2 above stories). AM continued to defer, so i jokingly declared i would try to guess the "horrible" activity he was involved in. the only facts i had to go on were that it involved a co-worker of his.


i began by saying, "let's at least rule out some impossible situations, right?" and thinking of the most heinous thing that could happen and clearly that AM would never engage in such conduct, i suggested rape. and this was AM's response:


"i refuse to admit or deny that that happened."

WHA?!?!?!?!?! REALLY?!?!?!?!?! so you want me to think that you might have raped your co-worker? 

and....date done. never to be repeated. EVER.

Wednesday, June 6

the tale of 2 scotch eggs

there were 2 arguments i presented to my mother when i pitched my case for the necessity of moving to NY once i got my current job in FiDi. 

1. i would be working long hours, sometimes late into the night or on weekends and it would be better to live closer/by subway rather than take the 1 hour bus from Port Authority back to my parents' home in NJ.
2. even if i wasn't working long hours, my job does frequent work happy hours and events which i will be expected to attend and then refer to Point 1 again.

i planned on moving to NY anyway, regardless of whether these arguments convinced her or not. but it was nice to try and appease her "empty-nest" spirit with some logic and rational. and i wasn't lying about it either. although my hours haven't been as crazy as perceived (only once in a blue moon) and the social events aren't as frequent as i thought it might be.

however, my firm does participate in a lot of fundraisers and marathon-related activities. and even if i don't participate in the exercise part of it, i still get to attend the food/drinks part of it. yippee! and so it was that because of 1 such work function, i found myself at an event held at the Jones Wood Foundry. which sounds more like a foundation than a bar. ah, the british and their fancy words.

the space itself isn't that big when you first enter. it's a narrow wooden bar, with a natural wood feel vs. that mahogany goodfellas feel. sort of like the beach? there's a courtyard area in the back with another room and bar/bathrooms even further back. my firm had booked the courtyard and back room for the event. i had arrived when the event was at its halfway point, with the idea that some of my non-work friends would meet me (i try to share the wealth when there's free food and drinks and it's ok to actually bring others). although my doofus/doofi(?) friends missed out, i on the other hand got to experience my first scotch egg of my life. and whoa nelly, it was good.

a scotch egg is clearly a heart attack waiting to happen: it's sausage wrapped around a hard-boiled egg that's then fried and eaten. but it's also so damn good. i'm pretty sure i ate at least 4 of these bad boys before i started to have imaginary (or real?) chest pains and had to stop.

a few weeks later i found myself meeting JCrew for dinner at the Toucan and the Lion for a our usual arrangement (which is that i get to pick a restaurant i've wanted to try and JCrew pays for it. i've known JCrew since high school and he's like an American version of an oppa). this is a small, trendy spot in the East Village, so i wouldn't recommend it for a large group gathering.  it has dim enough lighting to be good for a date, but due to the small size of the restaurant, it's not very intimate as youarethisclose to the table next to you. so it's probably best to just go with a friend or 2 for a casual dinner. JCrew and i decided neither of us were too hungry, so we would just share a few items.

one interesting thing about this restaurant. JCrew and i were looking over the menu and hadn't decided if we wanted to order any entrees/mains but knew we wanted some appetizers. so we proceeded to put in our appetizer orders with the idea that we would either add to it or order mains when the waitress came back. except we weren't allowed to do that. apparently the chef doesn't allow customers to order like that. you have to order everything at one time. it's a little bit of an odd practice, i mean i'm not ordering a prix fixe, but it's not something i can't live with.

JCrew is another of my dining partners who lets me run the show when it comes to ordering. i'm so blessed to have these friends in my life. so we ordered the following:

1. Duck Confit Mofongo ($14): crispy taro root, chinese sausage, salsa verde and a fried egg. this ended up being one of JCrew's favorite dishes of the night. this is a great combination of flavors and texture, with the egg yolk and salsa verde keeping the sausage moist. the "crispy" taro root isn't actually that crispy but it lends a sweetness to the dish that balances everything out.
2. Whiskey Sour Pickles ($6): fried brooklyn brine co. pickles, kaffir lime aioli. as long as you're  fan of fried pickles, you'll like these. but make sure to eat them quick because fried pickles are less fun to eat when they're not piping hot. 
3. Beef Short Rib Tacos ($14): aromatic dried curry, queso fresco, pickled shallot. this was another of JCrew's favorites of the night. the beef short rib was done well, and the accoutrements helped the taco feel refreshing as opposed to overly-spiced or overwhelming. a good taco, but you can probably tell i'm not pining for it in retrospect.
4. Asparagus ($6): honestly, we ordered this only to get some vegetable/healthy option on the table. but it was surprisingly good. a well-cooked asparagus that retained its crispness with a light dressing of a mayo-based sauce that didn't overwhelm the innate veggie taste.

and of course, as related to the title of this post, we ordered the Scotch Eggs ($12) which the Toucan and the Lion does a little bit differently than the british version.  they use a soft-boiled egg with five-spice duck sausage served with kaffir lime aioli. duck sausage?!?! mind-blown. although i thoroughly enjoyed it, JCrew was less of a fan and i've read other reviews that agree with him. i think it's partly due to the gaminess of the duck sausage, which has never been a problem for me. but then again, i eat a lot of weird animals/parts.

Friday, June 1

SUN day part 1

at one point, i hit an eating wall. my stomach had finally thrown up its hands and surrendered from all the restaurants i'd gone to and all the food i'd supplied it with. it was just too tired and overstimulated.

and i think this wall came around the time i went to brunch at Fat Radish. which, btws, is delicious. on a beautiful saturday morning, i'd made plans to meet with TVDinner to try out brunch at this (not-so-new-anymore) british gastropub.  expecting the worst in terms of a wait, i was pleasantly surprised to find the restaurant moderately full, but not crowded.  BlackSesame and i grabbed a seat at the bar while we waited for TVDinner and Kiddo to arrive.

since i never say no to a bloody mary, and brunch is really the only acceptable time to drink one, both BlackSesame and i ordered a glass. Fat Radish's bloodies are good, but nothing special, although they make use of fresh horseradish and their own pickled garnishes consisting of a tiny string bean, a beet, and (of course) a radish. the garnishes are great, very much like McClure's or Rick's Picks.   be forewarned that their bloodies are not spicy, at all, so make sure to indicate you want yours spicy (which i did with my 2nd glass).

considering that Fat Radish touts itself as farm-to-table fare (a label i find silly since in the grand scheme of things everything is farm to table really), i found it ironic that they were serving Tropicana OJ. they explained that something had happened with their shipment of oranges/OJ and so they had to run out this morning and get a substitute. i'd be pretty pissed if i found out i was paying $6 for Tropicana. just saying.

once TVDinner and Kiddo arrive, we were promptly seated without a problem.  when we finished our meal it looked like there was a decent wait-time, although it didn't look unmanageable.  

the atmosphere and setting at Fat Radish is pretty idyllic with wooden tables and bright lighting (in a natural way, not dentist's chair-style). it was perfectly aligned with the perfect weather we were having. and even though i'd been out drinking the night before, the atmosphere at Fat Radish didn't make me feel like the gross hungover mess i am prone to be at times for saturday or sunday brunch.


TVDinner and i opted for the Cloth-bound cheddar and potato cake ($14) which included sauteed brussels sprouts, bacon, and a poached egg. this was pretty on point with its flavors, although when it first arrived i was slightly disappointed with its size. however, since Kiddo and i shared plates, i got to eat half of his Hake Kedgeree (this was a special on the specials board so i don't remember its price or ingredient list), but this was damn good. and filling without making me feel gross. once again, Kiddo saved my eating escapade by being willing to accommodate me! hooray Kiddo! BlackSesame opted for the Full English Breakfast ($15) which contained the usual stage of characters Meyers of Keswick sausages, bacon, eggs, beans, and roasted tomato. and as is always the case, the beans were the only things leftover on the plate. poor beans. 

one surprising entry onto our table as the Lawnmower ($12), a cocktail consisting of dark rum, green juice, and lime. what is green juice you ask? well it's one of Fat Radish's many homemade juices. this once consisted of kale, spinach, celery and apple. my initial reaction to that mix was "bleh" accompanied by a turtleface a la Nick from New Girl. but Fat Radish schooled me: this drink is heavenly. it's the perfect summer drink without being overly sweet and is light and refreshing in the style of lemonade. and it really does kind of remind me of freshly cut grass. odd, but delicious.


so with our tummies satiated, we left the restaurant (passing a line of waiting hipsters), and discussed our plans for the rest of the day. BlackSesame had picked up a flyer for the Hester Street Fair, which was close to our location, so we had discussed going to check it out. in addition, i had some Ctown grocery shopping to do (i was making braised oxtail), and Kiddo was going to drop in on the parental units, who own a store close by.

before heading over to the street fair, we decided to get a cup of coffee. i noticed that all the patrons entering Fat Radish were holding a particular brand of coffee in a takeaway cup and  wondered if the shop was close by and also if it was really that good. i mean, usually you see people with to-go cups of coffee in only 3 types of cups: (1) dunkin donuts; (2) starbucks; and (3) that generic pattern that every deli in NYC offers. so for all these Fat Radish guests to have gone to the same coffee shop must mean something and it was a mystery i refused to let lie. luckily Kiddo knew exactly which shop it was and pointed us in the right direction.

and that's how we found ourselves at Lost Weekend NYC. and it's only after googling it that i realized how much of a hipster mecca we had stumbled upon. i think i must possess a suppressed hipster somewhere in my psyche because i've also been to Saturdays Surf NYC, and the 2 are comparable hipster coffeeshops. we got ourselves some hipster coffee made the fancy way-no drip coffee machine here-and ogled the Mast chocolate bars before we headed over to the street fair.


i've been to Hester Street Fair back when it began last summer. honestly, i wasn't that impressed. granted i hadn't realized before i went that it was a closed off lot. when i think of "street fair" i tend to think of a closed off street, not a vacant lot filled with vendors. so color me disappointed the first time i went. this second time was better in that i knew what i was getting myself into.


unfortunately, none of us were prepared for how packed the venue was. unbeknownst to us, we had decided to attend the street fair on opening day. so it was almost impossible to move around. so i'll just mention the highlights:
1. Filthy Farm Girl. amazeballs soaps. yes, they're a little hippy in style and smell but they're worth it just for the dirty/naughty descriptions on the soaps. i met be getting a bunch for BBM when i attend her bridal shower and/or bachelorette.

"Your Honor...my client is ready to come clean!"
"I'm not like those other kitties...When i get all wet and soapy i just purr and purr!"
"I'm a busy girl but i've always got time to get sleek and fancy!"
this one was epic, except it's not what you think it means. it's talking about knitting...BOOO.
2. Ample Hills Creamery. four words: ooey gooey butter cake. and done. just go and get it ASAP. you will not regret it. 

don't be deceived by the Clark-Kent look of this ice cream. this is AMAZEBALLS.
3. we headed over to the Pies n' Thighs booth but the only thing left was Banana Bread Pudding, which BlackSesame and i nagged Kiddo to get until he finally broke down ("come on, it's only a dollar! one dollar! really?! it's a dollar!"). poor Kiddo.


overall, i suggest hitting up the Hester Street Fair if you like flea markets and snacks. it should only take you an hour tops to complete the whole circuit, and that's with food lines. 


i was pretty exhausted after all of this (don't ask me why. i understand that all i did was eat and walk a little. don't judge me) and just wanted to go home and veg out for a while, but that wasn't in the stars for me...