Wednesday, June 29

Arranged Marriage

all my life, i have been very careful what i reveal to my family about my romantic life.

coming from an Asian family, on top of which i'm a daughter in an Asian family, means i face certain traditional notions associated with dating and boys. here are a few rules i live by.

Rule One: never inform any family member about who you may be dating: this is a rule every Asian daughter should abide by if you are from a traditional Asian family. there are multiple reasons for this:
1. everyone has a different definition of the word "dating."  it's broad enough to mean a serious relationship, casual (closed), and casual (open). with traditional parents, when you introduce a significant other to them, they see it as "serious relationship" and "marriage." if you're not sure that you're going to marry this person, do not bring him/her home to parents.

2. if you made the mistake of bringing 1 person to the parents and that relationship ended, you better hope that person was actually so awful that they set the bar low. if they were great, you're screwed. because any person you introduce after that will always be measured against that 1 "perfect" person. and if your next significant other doesn't match up (in terms of job, looks, personality, or manners), you'll never hear the end of how you let "the good one" get away.

3. if you introduce more than 2 people to your family, you run the risk of looking "easy." they start questioning whether you're a little too "loose" in the morals department because you've been hopping from relationship to relationship. or, they start wondering whether you've got low standards because all the people you've been dating have been so "meh." or, they start thinking there's something wrong with you because you keep getting dumped by significant others.

it's just a traditional Chinese nightmare. which i choose to avoid. i've had only 3 instances when i broke this cardinal rule:

FIRST, when i got spotted by my grandma meeting MissionImpossible for a date while in Taipei. although i wasn't actually dating MI, i think that just made it worse. and the fact that MI had a girlfriend at the time didn't reflect well on me either. can we just chock it up to the impetuous of youth?

SECOND, after i came home from my junior year abroad in Edinburgh, Scotland. Papoose came to visit me in September and my grandma's bday happened to be during his visit so i was required to bring him with me to her bday dinner and we stayed over at my parent's house in NJ for that night. (why is my grandma involved in both of these? weird.)

THIRD, when i was dating Gohm. actually, Gohm's never met my parents. even while we were dating i was very particular about them not meeting and i'd explained to him why. in addition, i probably always knew, deep down, that Gohm and i would never get married since i'm not korean (i know, what a stupid reason. trust me, it wasn't the only one. but it was the one that would never go away or be resolved) so i knew i could never introduce him to them. however, Gohm, perhaps because he's the only son in a korean family, was the exact opposite of me. he always wanted to make his presence known to my parents by buying them Christmas gifts and wanting to take them out to dinner. so in turn, i became uncharacteristically comfortable talking to my parents about him. so even though they never actually met him, it feels like they did in spirit.

as another compelling reason to avoid involving family in your romantic life, is my current situation, which i refer to as "My Arranged Marriage."

to be clear: it's not actually an arranged marriage.

a few months ago, GreatAunt (one of the matriaches of our family in NJ), wanted me to meet the son of one of her friends. although warning lights immediately started flashing, there was no way i could say no due to her position in our family. so i politely acquiesced and made the requisite efforts to coordinate a date with ShyGuy, which we went on. no immediate sparks, but a nice guy nonetheless.

after the date, i received the expected phone call from GreatAunt inquiring how the date went. i responded politely that he seemed like a nice guy and we would see what happens. since that time i'm constantly bombarded with comments from my mom who keeps getting phone calls from GreatAunt, asking when i'm going to go out with ShyGuy again, how he's such a good guy (good job, good height, good family) and thus great marriage material, and that ShyGuy seems to have taken an interest in me and i should be more proactive.

it's a lot of pressure.

everyone keeps trying to "nudge" us together. and they're starting to push some very sensitive buttons for me (my age, my current relationship status, my weight). and sometimes they're really good at it...

Monday, June 27

Last Night I Let the Party Get the Best of Me...

"No drivin', no sleepin'
Live it up like it's the weekend
When the DJ play the right song
Gon' drink, gon' party all night long" 

                                               -Wiz Khalifa, "No Sleep"


i could've used this blogpost title for 2 weekends that happened in close proximity to each other. i had to think hard about for which one it was more apropos. (is that the correct way to use that term? i know i've read/heard it used before but can't remember the grammatical context. i'm just impressed i remembered a new vocab word.)


remember a while ago i said i was planning a bday party? well, i've finally gotten over my embarassment about that day and can now share it with you with a devil-may-care-i'll-just-chalk-it-up-to-my-pre30s-hijinxes attitude. i mean, it wasn't that bad...


the day started with me scrambling to get to ChubbyBunny's bday party, because, as expected, i was running late. i parked the car in Jersey City and hopped the PATH and one very long 1 train subway ride later, i was finally at Boat Basin Cafe.  BTWs, the place is great but a little scary to get to. you have to cross a highway and walk under a stone bridge and just feel all-around-sketch before getting to a great outdoor space on the water. the weather was damp and gray that afternoon so it was no surprise that the place wasn't packed. i had arrived too late to eat any snacks that been laid out but it's never too late to get a drink. there was a little make-shift bar set up to cater to ChubbyBunny's party which was great, except it was cash bar only. luckily i had $8 on me so i got a drink ($4+tip i think) and chatted with DoE who had flown from Cali to attend ChubbyBunny's bday. 


the party was only supposed to last until 3 p.m. and i had arrived a little after 2 p.m. whenever i come into the city i always make it a point to pack in as many events & people as possible since i rarely come in during the week. on this particular day i'd made plans to meet a family friend for drinks after ChubbyBunny's bday during the 2 hour window before dinner with friends.


of course, once alcohol comes into the picture, the idea of a set schedule is always the first casualty.


after a second drink (the bartender took pity on me and allowed me to purchase my scotch on the rocks with my paltry remaining $3=LOVE), i raced downtown to Rye House with DoE, DoE's college roommate, and DoE's college roommate's boyfriend (got all that?) in tow to meet with FamilyFriend. i was over an hour late. and starting to get a little tipsy...


i'd suggested Rye House because i was pretty curious about the place. i'd heard good things about their food, and, looking at the drink menu, it seemed like the kind of spot that guys and girls would like (meaning a variety of "manly" whiskeys and "girly" mixed cocktails). i was also pretty in love with how chill it was when we arrived. the place wasn't crowded at all, so we got one of the long tables/booths on the side. the wooden and marble decor makes the place feel local and classy. hovering on hipster/trendy but never crossing the line. then again, i wasn't there on a weekend night at 11 p.m., so who knows.



Love the proper ice cube. they serve "rocks" the way they're supposed to be: large ice cubes so the drink doesn't get too watery right away.
i ordered a Ballantine on the rocks ($8), which was the cheapest scotch they had on the menu. if i didn't have dinner plans in 30 mins, i might have ordered something else i could savor, but in light of the circumstances, i just went for something easy. they do have a lot of nice options and i'll have to go back some other time when i can leisurely enjoy it.


in addition, and realizing the liquid night i had ahead of me, i ordered Fried Pickles ($6) to nosh on with our drinks.  they came out piping hot and crispy. with the 6 of us, the small order was gone within 3 seconds of it landing on our table.


after 2 Ballantines and a slew of text messages, i raced to my dinner reservations at Paprika. i don't know why i thought West 17th was so close to 1st Ave that i could easily arrive in 10 mins. it's not. so of course i arrived about 30 mins late to my own dinner reservation.  so here's a list of my bad behavior up to this point in the night:


1. arriving late to ChubbyBunny's bday party.
2. arriving an hour late to meet FamilyFriend at Rye House.
3. sitting for 30 mins with FamilyFriend after he waited for over an hour before abandoning him with people he didn't know.
4. in my haste to get to Paprika, i forgot to leave money for my drinks and food at Rye House.
5. arriving 30 mins late for my own dinner reservation with 6 friends waiting for me.
6. arriving very tipsy to dinner.


by the time i arrived at Paprika, i was definitely not sober. of course, you never realize this yourself. but it was apparently obvious to my friends, which they informed me when i spoke to them later that week. so i wish i could provide a detailed description of my dinner, but... it was all a little hazy. it's like watching a movie with the sound off. i remember what i ordered (Beef Carpaccio and Lobster Maccheroni) and i remember eating them. i also remember drinking red wine. and that's it.


::sigh:: i am too old to be having nights like this. yes, it was my birthday dinner, but birthdays are not free license to act like an asshole. although my friends all lovingly advise me that that is exactly what birthdays are for, that's just because they're my friends. they also kindly advised me i was not an asshole, but again, they're my friends.  it's not that rolling brown outs make people act shitty, but i didn't like that i couldn't recall what happened when the check came. i know my friends took care of it, but how did i behave? did i politely offer to contribute or did i sit back with an air of entitlement to the whole ordeal? i have a sneaking suspicion it was latter vs. the former. and that is not acceptable.


luckily, the electricity came back on in my brain after we left Paprika and i remember us walking to Central Bar for the party portion of the night. on the way, we stopped at Momofuku Milk Bar for dessert and snacks. i remember nibbling at other Kpopper's and She's snack and thinking "yummy" but again, what is was i tasted is a mystery.

we had a table reserved upstairs at Central and i pretty much stayed rooted to my seat the whole night, with magical scotches on the rocks appearing in front of me in 30 minute intervals (hooray for my friends!). it was a great birthday night, rolling brown outs excluded, and i loved that all my friends were there. i remember all of you being there even if i can't remember every conversation we had.


some  drama happened much much later in the night (or morning) which resulted in me making a hasty decision to stay at a friend's place and waking up the next morning extremely hungover in the middle of Chinatown. but that's a story too scandalous/embarassing to share on a blog...

Saturday, June 11

the Strong Silent Type

ok Won Bin, you got me. i have officially hopped on the Won Bin train.

i took my sweet time getting around to watching Ahjussi 아저씨 aka The Man from Nowherei'd heard it was a good movie, top grossing in Korea and blahbitty blah etc. however, when i heard that my guy cousins were falling all over themselves in love with it, i got slightly turned off about seeing the movie. in the same way that guys are in love with Old Boy 올드보이, their extreme passion about it makes my latent rebellious side refuse to watch it out of some perverse refusal to follow the trend. plus, it's slightly weird how devoted the male species is to that movie. also, since i wasn't a rabid Won Bin fan, i wasn't particularly enthusiastic about watching Ahjussi.

but now that i've watched the film, i've got to admit: it's good. REALLY good. the action scenes were great to watch in that they're the kind that i like. not crazy machine guns and car explosions but more close, hand-to-hand combat in small spaces. one of my favorite fight scenes that i always watch when it's on tv is from The Bourne Identity: when Matt Damon, while suffering from amnesia, all of a sudden discovers he's skilled with hand-to-hand combat by taking out 2 German police officers that stop him in the park. so cool. and that's similar to what the action sequences are like in Ahjussi. Won Bin's character is calm and collected and extremely focused in his single-minded mission throughout the movie. and after he cut his hair in the second half of the movie and flashed some shirtless scenes, i had purchased my ticket aboard the Won Bin express. CHOO-CHOO!

speaking of all things korean, i recently found out from MrsOppa and Kiddo that Pandora's added k-pop to their playlists. say what?! when did k-pop become so mainstream? although, since i'm chinese and avidly listen to k-pop, i guess i really shouldn't say anything...

Kiddo discovered Big Bang's Hands Up through Pandora. of all of Big Bang's songs, Hands Up isn't my favorite but that might just be because the group has SO MANY hit songs to choose from. so, in honor of Kiddo's discovery, i'll share some of my Big Bang recs.


since i don't want to seem like too much  of a teenybopper fan, i'll limit it to these 2: a new album song, Cafe, and a classic, Lies. Enjoy!

Monday, June 6

Not Exactly Breakfast at Tiffany's

ugh. i am suffering from the worst crick in my neck ever. that's what i get for falling asleep while propped on 2 pillows, watching tv. so much pain right now.

i apologize for my lack of updates but for some reason, i haven't been too keen to write about what i've been up to. not because of a lack of events, but more like it could be embarassing to share them. when i stop grimacing every time i think back on them, THEN i'll write about them. until then though, i hope you'll continue to stick around.

last weekend i finally met up with Spoon for some snacks and drinks. this has been a long time coming since we've been making "intentions" to meet up but just never follow through. clearly we should be in touch more often as i found out during drinks that Spoon was in Playa del Carmen the same weekend i was! i can't believe the coincidence. if only i had been more diligent about keeping up with communications...

Spoon graduated 1 year before me from Pace Law School and has been feeling the employment effects in this current struggling economy. while she's had a few employers since she graduated, it seems like most of them were very small firms or solo practitioners that weren't able to keep her for an extended period of time (and they were definitely getting her at an already bargain rate). Spoon's in another transition period and has decided to solo practice while waiting to land at her next firm.

solo praction-ing takes some serious courage. especially since we're so young (relatively) and don't have anything close to a decent book of business (if we have any at all). Spoon's in the midst of getting a website running and has received a few cases based on referrals from friends and former co-workers.  it's a minimal-commitment operation since Spoon doesn't intend to spend the capital to invest in a full-blown solo practice but i have to give her props for not just sitting around waiting for someone to respond to her resume.

this conversation all took place at Tiffany's, a local bar in my hometown that opened up some time when i was in high school. somehow, i've been able to resist its allure (insert sarcasm here). so why did i find myself here on friday night?

Spoon happened to read in the NJ Law Journal that Tiffany's is being sued in a civil suit. the facts are pretty interesting: the defendant was convicted of a DUI and is being sued in civil court for damages by someone hurt in the accident that occurred while the defendant drove under the influence. the defendant has successfully third-partied Tiffany's, the bar that served him before he got into the accident, under the Dram Shop statute (which, in relevant part, states bars can't serve visibly intoxicated people). i hadn't read the case but had glanced at a blurb that the partner in my firm sent me. in commemoration of the article, Spoon suggested Tiffany's as our drinking spot.

yes, Tiffany's screams local, and it's parking lot was deceivingly packed in comparison to the customers inside the place. the snack foods were "meh" (stop double frying fries!) and the drinks were surprisingly pricey (at least my Dewar's on the rocks was. $8? who do you think you are Tiffany's?) but, the draw of local bars isn't the food or drinks. it's the drama. there's something so shamefully fun about witnessing the drama that always unfolds at local bars. someone always gets a little too drunk, there's always a fight or at least shouting and bouncers in action.

and tonight was no exception. right before Spoon and i decided to head home, we saw the biggest meathead, equipped with "guns" blazing in his too-tight t-shirt with sleeves cut off, start screaming at the bartender about his $250 tab. $250? at a local bar? what the hell was this guy drinking? and, more likely, how many drunken rounds did you buy?

the screaming started with him claiming he only ordered 6 drinks. it later became 2 rounds. and then it was actually 2 rounds of shots. at some point he demanded to see "John" (the manager he knows by first-name of course), and the matter was shushed into the side office. Spoon and i were DYING to get a peek at that bar tab to see exactly what this guy had ordered, but alas... it will have to remain one of the great unsolved mysteries.

but props to Tiffany's for not disappointing me.