Friday, December 26

the day the world changed

the Ricky Gervais HBO comedy special has been airing more frequently recently and i keep stumbling on it right when he's talking about how stupid blogs are. i can't help but wonder if that's God's way of trying to give me a hint about my own blog. but o well, boo to you God.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you! i can't believe it's another NYE. time is REALLY flying. am home for the holidays, and something's going on with the computer, so forgive me if this post doesn't have the usual bells and whistles as the others.


just the thought of a new year makes me think about the presidential election. talk about a night of "news" (pronounced like "this is brand NEW stuff" as opposed to "let's watch the evening NEWS". get it?). BLS organized an election viewing event in Geraldo's and, honestly, i didn't think THAT many ppl would attend. o how wrong i was. never underestimate the power of free pizza and wings and beer.

while not everyone there was there for intelligent reasons, but it was really kind fo heartwarming to see ppl there, and those that actually were intelligent and excited about the election were the cutest. something about this year's election really got everyone truly excited and back into the way you're supposed to feel when voting. for instance, on the day of the vote, Coleslaw forwarded the CUTEST email from her dad:

Good Morning Beautiful,

I just got to work after voting this morning. I arrived at my polling place at 5:05 am and I was 32nd in line. By the time the polling place opened at 6 am, the line was a good 175 to 200 yards long. There were three cops directing traffic…it was so surreal.You'd think they were giving out free money! Even after being 32nd,it took another 30 minutes to vote. I'm glad I decided to get up earlier. I am predicting a landslide for Obama. I just feel it…that many people…in the pouring rain…voting. I have never seen that many people at that voting place even if you combined all the times I have voted there over the past ten years! But you know, the majority of people are voting because of race. Many are voting to put a black man in office and others are voting to keep him out. But at least they're voting. God a feel great!! I shit you not, I haven't felt like this since my Dad held me up over that chain link fence in Brunswick, Maine to shake hands with John F. Kennedy. Goose bumps.We are witnessing a great piece of history in this country. People talk about the "good ole days"…these are those good ole days. I wish you had kids your age to witness this. Just a shear numbers of voters is going to be history! I don't think I can get anything done today.For once I am going to be glued my TV waiting for that acceptance speech. Too bad about Obama's Grandmother. Have a great day at work today and remember this day forever.

Love always,
Poppa

wasn't that the cutest? and that's what this election really did feel like. just about everyone was tuned in, everyone had an opinion, everyone sort of cared in one way or another. and then later, after the results were pretty much secured, the election party moved to (where else) Brazen Head. and ppl just honked in the streets and "woo-hooed" all over the place. and when the night was winding down, Coleslaw received an email. and she was so touched and overwhelmed by the moment, she kind of teared a little. the email was this:

I'm about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there,but I wanted to write to you first.
We just made history.

And I don't want you to forget how we did it.

You made history every single day during this campaign -- every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family,friends, and neighbors about why you believe it's time for change.

I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign.

We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I'll be in touch soon about what comes next.

But I want to be very clear about one thing...

All of this happened because of you.

Thank you,

Barack

Thursday, December 18

Frenemies

...and, i'm done.

no, no, i'm not done with exams or studying. i wish. i've just been repeating the phrase "i'm done" over and over again to a lot of things in my life right now. let's face it, i am a bitch. what's worse is, i'm not a bitch to ppl i don't know. wait, let me correct that, i can be a bitch to ppl i don't know. other times, i just don't even bother acknowledging them. it's the eye-roll, a dismissive glance, and i move on. if i don't like you in the first minute, i probably won't like you at all.

however, that's not the bitch in me that i'm referring to. i'm bitchier in a much meaner way. i'm a bitch to my friends. that's right. how weird is that? i swear, i wasn't always like this. i've always had a twinge of it here and there, but it was never as rampant as it is now. don't get me wrong, i'm still fiercely loyal to my friends and would do almost anything for them (save lend large sums of money or kill someone), but i often find myself feeling tired or just overwhelmed when i talk to them. i'm constantly letting out exasperated sighs when i'm by myself.

for instance, Nellers and i have known each other since preschool, altho we didn't become friends until 4th grade. but after that, even when we were separated by different schools, we still stayed close. and that lasted through college. what i really think is that college wore me down. i would never admit this to OHenry, but sometimes i agree with him that going to Smith might've been a mistake. b/c a whole school of girls=a whole school of drama, backstabbing, complexes, etc. and i dealt with that for 4 years. however, just to prove how devoted i was back in the day to maintaining friendships: i was the best at phone calls to check in with ppl, no matter the distance; thoughtful gifts for momentous occassions (not to mention christmas and birthdays-and when i say thoughtful, i do mean thoughtful, every gift was a personal reflection of the person or something going on in their life); cheer packages just for the hell of it; at least 1 visit to wherever they were every year (aside from seeing each other when we were home for the holidays). over time, reality set in, and i started to change.
and the Ahjumma incident happened (TWICE-i blame her a lot for this. for the most part, my dating relationships have never scarred me-sans Gohm, and even that wasn't actually traumatizing, more like a learning experience-but what did traumatize me is Ahjumma, who was a friend. truly they're the ppl that hurt you the most). by the time college was over, aside from my family (which has grown quite large), the holidays and birthdays were the only time i bought gifts for friends, and that list only included OHenry, Nellers, and Debs.

2 yrs after college, OHenry was whittled down to only holiday gifts. and by the time law school started, that practice was long gone. and this year is the 1st year i haven't visited him in Cali. and now we pretty much never talk on the phone. i found out he was in NJ over Thanksgiving from Debs (who saw it on Facebook) because he sure as hell didn't tell me. ::sniffle, sniffle:: and now the process is starting w/Nellers too. i prob haven't talked to her since the summer, and even that encounter had been brief. and she's been whittled from the birthday gift list too. and with the holidays coming up, i'm debating whether to purchase a holiday gift for her. she recently called me out on this phenomenon (albeit on Facebook, which kind of irked me). and my immediate response was, "really? do we have to be this dramatic?" i was struck with a sudden wave of tiredness and a desire to avoid drama.

and it felt normal. Nellers is in med school in D.C., i'm in law school in Brooklyn. obviously both our schedules are tiring, we're travelling in circles unknown to each other, have no money to visit each other, and have no daily interaction to bring our worlds together right now. these are often the ingredients for creating a more distant friendship. and this is exactly what i told her. but i can't help but have that voice in the back of head, telling me, "really? after over 16 years of friendship, this is how you feel?"

and i really don't know how to answer her.

Friday, December 12

Random Thoughts While "Studying"

i wish baggie pants were back in style. in middle school, i used to wear these baggy jeans that hung low, but not SO low, on my waist and always with a baby tee. yea, i was suburb gangster. although the look was totally ridiculous, while bringing a water and coffee from my apartment down to Geraldo's today, i was wishing the look was back in style. b/c then i could put my water in my back pocket instead of having to hold it in my hand. just this week i had the same dilemma with a can of soda.

sometimes my life in my apartment seems to center around cooking and emptying the dishwasher. i'm like a PTA mom.

the ppl next to me seem to be bonding. i can't tell, i have my iPod on. the boy had set up his study station and then slowly realized he was sitting right under a vent (he's still looking up at it even right now). the girl looked up and i guess made some comment, they conversed, and he pushed his table closer to her. then he asked her for a pen. and now, with the vent still blowing on him, he keeps looking forlornly at the girl and the empty spot next to her. and they're COMPLETELY distracting me. i don't make friends during exams. i hate everyone during exams. except for ppl i'm already friends with. when ppl i don't know fuss around in public spaces while i'm studying, i want to punch them in the face.

Tuesday, December 9

What I Should Be Doing

as i watch Baby Boom i'm reminded of the fact that to be a good human being, you must love babies. if you look at a cute baby and don't go, "aaaaaaaaaaaw," then you're truly dead inside. i'm sorry, but it's the truth. i'm not gonna lie and say there aren't ugly babies out there, but they're pretty few and far between. for the most part babies are just adorable. sigh, i can't wait to get one of my own. altho, as i've always freely admitted: giving birth scares the crap out of me. it truly does. just thinking about it makes my vajayjay twinge a little.

if you've noticed, i've kind of stalled out on updating recently. it's just been either too crazy, or too boring right now. and altho it's finals period for me, it's not like the usual finals period where i'm holed up studying and staring at outlines. this time i'm actually frought with deadlines for designing webpages, revising memos, and preparing for fake divorce mediations. so this past 2 weeks have been actually quite busy and i've been on the computer constantly, but not in a fun way. even at this moment, i should be revising my summary judgment memo. i'm just 2 pages away from finishing, and it's due today, but i'm still taking a break to write this.

so why i have i been remiss in updating? to be honest, i feel like things in my life have hit a wall. a predictable, unending, circular wall. sometimes i feel like i'm even having the same conversation over and over again. and it makes me want to throw my hands up in the air and put a stop to it all. except i can't. this is my life, and i must accept it. it's not like i can afford to just drop everything and start again somewhere new. it's just not possible, and i am a believer in your life is what you make it. if you're not happy, it's up to you to change it because nothing solves itself and things don't just go away on their own. hmmm... even this paragraph is circular logic because i've just talked myself back to the beginning of my problem.

but it's 2 AM and i'm too tired to figure that out right now. what i should be doing is finishing this revision. it's what i should be doing...